"Ya can't git software for the Mac."

The first-ever 128K Macs shipped with two programs included: MacWrite and MacPaint. Exactly one graphics program more than anybody else had. Today, there are more software options available for Macintosh than for any other platform.

 

"Macs are great fer drawin' pitchers, but...

If'n ya wants ta do bizness, ya gots ta use a pee cee."

The truth back then (as now) is that text processing is a no-brainer. The real power was - and still is - graphics, audio and video; capabilities that PCs wouldn't have for ten years.

 

"Wire cutters? WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?!"

Wes, a PC shop owner, (foolishly) enlisted my help with an upgrade on a client's high-end Mac. Popped the case, whipped out some wire cutters, and snip - cut resistor R-8. Wes went ballistic. Finished the upgrade, then produced a Macintosh Bible and requested a saffron robe prior to startup. Wes wasn't amused.

 

"It's got a mouse! Who ever heard of a mouse?"

Yes, the first-ever Macintosh had a mouse, pull-down menus, and what has since become known as a graphical user interface (GUI), along with countless other features which were eventually adopted by PCs. It took Microsoft about five years to accommodate a mouse. And then we Mac users got to hear:

 

"Da mouse what only gots one button!"

The more complex it is, the more sophisticated it must be. Right?

"I'd rather get a Mac, but...

I've gotta have a PC so I can run the software from work."

You could easily run "the software from work" (meaning something DOS-based) on a Mac by either creating a DOS partition, or by installing a PC card with its own RAM in certain models. It was one of the Mac's best-kept secrets.

 

"Macs are too expensive."

You get what you pay for. Or, as Bell Helmet used to say:

"If you have a ten-dollar head, get a ten-dollar helmet."

While Macs came with all the best options built-in, PC buyers had to purchase and install cards, adapters, hardware and drivers to build a system with similar capabilities, often spending far more money in the long run (to say nothing of time and trouble).

 

News flash: Sound comes to the Pee Cee!

Taken for granted by Mac aficionados since the first Macintosh in 1984 and the Apple II before that, addition of a sound card and Sound Blaster (about $200 at the time) was _big_ news in the PC world nearly ten years later. But then, Macs were too expensive.

 

Web-safe colors?

What if you use an unsafe color, what happens? Web police? Monitor failure? Of the 256-color palette available to PCs, 40 colors were "reserved" exclusively for use by their Windows OS. Only the remaining 216 colors were available for use in web pages; these came to be known as "web-safe colors" (conveniently obscuring another Windows weakness). If an "unsafe" color was encountered by a PC, it would appear as a dithered combination of its two nearest neighbors.

 

"Bill Gates wrote the original Macintosh Operating System."

One of the dumbest urban myths _ever_. Most PC users thought Gates wrote DOS, too. Gary Kildall of Digital Research created DOS (CPM); Gates bought and adapted "QDOS" (quick and dirty operating system), a derivative of CPM, then renamed it MS-DOS (Microsoft disk operating system).

 

"We'll all be using the same operating system soon."

Yeah? Who'd have ever guessed it would be a flavor of UNIX.....

 

"Apple's only got an (X)% market share!"

Are we talking about computer sales or Operating Systems? (Uh, they didn't say.) You mean the Mac versus everybody else combined? (Gee, I don't know.) So what exactly does this mean? (Uh...) What is Sun's market share? (Dunno.) Dell? (Dunno.) Gateway? (Dunno.)

"Windoze '95 is a 32-bit operating system."

Not only was Windows '95 _not_ 32-bit clean, Windows was never an operating system; it was merely a user interface plastered over the same old DOS from the '80s. Like the t-shirt said, "Windows '95 = Mac '84."

 

"It's kinda like the BetaMax^®, y'know?

BetaMax was superior, but VHS won out."

Yes, Sony's BetaMax was a superb video tape format, far superior to the cheaper VHS cartridge that eventually dominated video markets (long since replaced by DVD). Uh, huh. So? This observation usually comes from those who believe some sort of natural selection governs technology markets, and only the best will survive.

 

"Yup, it can do everythang a Mac can do..."

A elderly couple went out shopping for a computer one afternoon. Their son had told them to get a Macintosh. But, thinking all computers are alike, they walked into a Radio Shack store and asked the kid behind the counter.....

 

"New PCs are plug-'n-play."

Responding to the ease of setting up a Mac, the "plug and play" concept was popular in PC advertising for a short time, but was never a reality. It was quietly dropped when PC users started referring to it as "plug and pray."

 

"If Apple had used open architecture, they'd be a lot more popular today."

"Open architecture" - at the time - meant building a computer from readily available, off-the-shelf components. Anybody can do it, giving rise to countless PC clones (starting with Compac). Apple chose to develop Macintosh from the ground up, using proprietary chips with processors from IBM and Motorola. The advantages were obvious.

 

The 'open-versus-closed' debate still rages on, over source code, with the MacOS on the OpenSource side. The advantages of this should be obvious, too.

 

"Macs are too hard to program..."

Only heard this once, at a San Francisco coffeehouse, and it certainly wasn't from a programmer. I think the guy had an Etch-a-Sketch in his backpack.

 

"Mac users are... such snobs...

They act like they're better'n everybody else."

Oooo, well! Pardon me all to heck. We try to remain silent while we listen to you curse at your PCs, we look the other way when your PCs crash and burn, try to avoid making suggestions you won't hear anyway, but sometimes we just can't help but snicker at all the unnecessary grief you Windows users suffer. It's your funeral. Get over it.

 

"I hate the Mac! I hate it! I can't hack [into] the OS."

Aside from her hysteria, this was a legitimate criticism of the MacOS. She had a valid point. Prior to (open-source) OSX, the MacOS was locked-up tight with no easy access to the Operating System's inner workings (thru OS 9.2.2). While a closed OS kept things simple, neatly organized and largely trouble-free, changing OS behavior by "hacking" or modifying the System was not an an easy thing to do back then.

 

"Apple's only got an (X)% market share!"

Okay, look: In order for this dubious observation to mean anything at all, you have to make three mistaken assumptions:

• All computers have the same capabilities, right out of the box.
• Buyers carefully evaluate each platform before making a purchase.
• Computers all become obsolete at about the same age.

Remember Y2K? "It was a bug, Dave..."

It's the end of the world! Stock-up on food and ammo! Brace y'self for global chaos! Mainstream media went nuts with predictions of doom and gloom. Like some relic from the cold war, apparently no one expected MS-DOS and Windows to survive so long.

 

The Mac never missed a beat. According to Apple, the 24/32-bit values used in pre-1994 Macs will remain valid until the year 2040. PowerPC Macs will maintain their dates until the year 29940 AD. (Checking Intel Macs for Y2K compliance is on my to-do list.)

 

"There are things you can't do with a Mac."

True. You can't teach a Mac to swim.

 

"They only got Windows classes, they don't teach Mac."

Gee, Dorothy, I wonder why?

This came up during a tech conference when a woman mentioned TV ads for a computer school. The TV ad offered MS courses only; clear proof (in her mind) that the Mac was an endangered species - kinda like a condor, only pretty. She wanted to know why, if my condor is superior to her turkey, why don't they teach Macintosh at that TV school?

 

"Macs or pee cees... it's just like buying a Ford or a Chevy, right?"

Uh..... no. It's not. And, by the way: Next time you visit a Ford dealer, be sure to ask 'em about the new Chevy.

 

"Everybody hates Microsoft, but there's just no alternative."

This from a Microsoft employee, and he wasn't talking about computers or Operating Systems. There may be some unhappy people up there in Redmond, but they all know what it means to have a controlled market and a captive audience.

 

"We just don't like Macs."

Nobody asked 'em, but having volunteered an opinion, a few questions were in order: No, they never owned a Mac. Never used a Mac. No clue what the difference might be. No experience and no reason to offer. Yet - somehow - they manage to form an opinion from ignorance and come to conclusions in a vacuum.

 

"But Mike," he said, leaning forward a little for effect,

"you're the only person I know that has a Macintosh."

An old friend made this glib observation shortly after I opened the MacShack in 2002. Was he afraid the biz would fail - or gleefully looking forward to it? Dunno, but it still makes me smile when I think of it.

 

"So, Apple, what'd you do with the other 10 gigs? Huh?"

From a YouTube video: Some propellerhead is perched on a stool before a VGA monitor, examining a Mac notebook's 120GB hard drive thru a drive format utility. The utility says the drive has a capacity of 111GB and he wants to know what Apple has done with the "other 10 gigs." He's serious, too. Which only goes to show that even a moron can broadcast himself.

 

"Any graphic artist will tell ya, color matching requires a CRT.

Any graphic artist still using a Cathode Ray Tube (CRT) monitor might say that. Ignoring the fact that color matching is subjective, I've yet to hear a single complaint from anyone using a digital flat-panel display. Color matching between platforms is another story, tho. They don't call it the "dark side" for nothing.

 

"Macs are great fer drawin' pitchers, but...

If'n ya wants ta do bizness, ya gots ta use a pee cee."

Before I'm accused of repeating myself, I must point out that I've been hearing this nonsense for 30 years - over and over again - and I know this particular bit o'genius goes back to the mid-80s. Nevertheless, I was astonished to hear it again in 2004 when reps from a down-and-out ISP came calling.

 

"I wanna do graphics and video. Should I buy a Mac?"

This question was posted on a well known PC guru's blog. His answer: "Macs aren't quite up to speed when it comes to graphic capabilities these days. I'd recommend a [PC brand]."

"If your computer is over 3-years-old, you probably need a new computer."

(From a local radio ad.) Why would you need a new computer after only three years? Because you bought a cheap PC, that's why. High-end PCs may be a few years behind, but cheap PCs are obsolete right out of the box.

 

"Hey! I hear you can run Windows on a Mac now."

It's like putting wagon wheels on a Ferrari.

But - if you just can't eliminate Windows from your life - sure, you can run it on a Mac. (Always could, nothing new here.) Just be advised: Windows will bring all of its virus, spyware and malware vulnerabilities with it when run on a Macintosh.

 

"Vista - it's just like a Mac!"

Released at midnight, January 29th, 2007 (costing up to $400.00), Vista came with virus warnings, overwhelmingly negative reviews, and the promise of making all but the newest PCs obsolete. Possibly the biggest flop since the Zune. One day after releasing Vista, Bill Gates was on air whining about Apple's current advertising campaign. Within a few weeks Microsoft was forced to revise earnings estimates.

 

The most notable thing about Vista's release was the date: Windows is now a full seven years behind the current MacOS, about two years more than usual.

 

"The Mac shouldda been... the Cadillac of computers."

What?! Did ya think Apple was going away? A PC user and "early adopter" of Vista complained that Vista wouldn't work on his custom-built PC. Ready to make the big switch, he was still consumed with years of nonsense (including much of the above) and teetering between raw hatred of Microsoft and his fear that the Macintosh might face extinction.

 

Which reminds me: I haven't heard about Apple's market share lately.

 

"I saw a PC magazine what said y'all gots security updates now,

jus' like Microsoft does."

You read something about Macs in a PC rag?! Gee whiz, do tell.

Struggling to find some sort of put-down, maybe he thought it meant a Mac virus had been found after all these years, who knows. He's so used to bandaids for 236,000* Microsoft viruses in the wild, he can't relate to preemptive security updates.

 

*McAfee, 2007. Estimates vary. Does that include Microsoft Office macro viruses? Does it matter?

 

"Business used to be about fifty-fifty, Macs and PCs."

Pondering a decline of Mac clientele in recent years, the proprietor of a local print shop brought in his eight-year-old PowerMac because it wouldn't startup anymore. Still running OS 9, it had a full-up and fragmented 20MB hard drive. We fixed it.....

 

"They stole the PC but never touched our Mac."

Doesn't take any brains to be a burglar.

 

"We havta use PCs, 'cause we use industry-standard CAD software."

Industry-standard, y'say? Really. (It's always amazing how PC-types rationalize being enslaved by the inertia of Microsoft.) So, creating 3-D CAD drawings in half the time with half the effort and four-times the quality - this is of no use to you? Really!

 

"Mac users, they're like a... a... cult."

"They flock to Apple stores, hang out all hours..."

This AM Radio talk show host went on to ponder why Mac users are so fond of their computers and iPods and iPhones. An unfathomable condition for PC types.

 

The fact that he was operating from a Mac-centric broadcast studio (as guest host) probably had him wondering what he's been missing.

 

"You can't play games on a Mac."

Of course you can, but - whatta waste! If all you use a computer for is playing games, then by all means get yourself a cheap PC.